Is it worth wasting your time on meeting smb’s expectations? Or what is the life about?

«It’s better to live 40 years as a lion, than 100 years as a sheep» — that’ s what I usually say when I’m going to do smth and don’t want to go by the book. When I studied at school I peed on the mat at the front door of one of my classmates just because she tried to hit on the guy that I liked (and I thought liked me back). «Stay away from him!» And I have to confess I didn’t feel any sorry then. A little bit later I dyed my hair in a bright pink color very accidentally. And one of my teachers really pushed me to change the hair color back. I was pretty sure that my hair color didn’t influence my ability to get knowledge. So I left it even though I didn’t really like it either. At my prom night at university I got so drunk so I fell asleep on the floor in the bathroom of the restaurant. A year ago I left the university to stay with my fiancé in another country. And after that he left me with the words «you bring stress in my life». I was at my lowest ebb and I wanted to get away from it all. But anyway my Mom still remembers my prom and puts blames on me with the words «girls don’t drink like that.» Well, I smoked weed 3 times in my life — that was in my wishlist. One night I kissed 5 different guys and we didn’t play a game then. I still haven’t read «War and Peace» by Tolstoy, even the short variant. My granny that used to work at the library and has read millions of books  will probably be very disappointed to hear that. When I met my husband, I knew that I wanted to be with him. I didn’t want to bide my time so I proposed to him myself. To cut a long story short sometimes I did not very good things or what girls are not supposed to do. The only thing of the mentioned I could apologize for is a spoiled mat. I’m really sorry, I promise I will never do that again.

I could be different… I could cook every day even though I despise it with passion. And my husband loves cooking so much, he knows everything about spices I’ve never heard about, he loves to mix them up, tries out new recipes and dressings for them. So who will win in case I cook every evening just because girls should do it? I could be different… I could stay on maternity leave for 3 years, and repeat it time after time, do not work for 7-9 years and all this time discuss with my girls color of poop of my kids or what porridge they like or what blanket color we should select for kindergarten. Just because that is what girls should do? Please, don’t take me wrong! I do love my kid. But I don’t think his achievements is the only interesting topic to discuss with my girls. There are too many stereotypes what is right and what is wrong, what girls should do and what should not. But remember, life is so short. Is it worth wasting your time on meeting smb’s expectations? Let me lay my cards on the table. I think life is about enjoying the moment spent on doing things that you like with the people you love. And what is your life about?

Лия Рыжая ♥

Автор книги «Лечение влюблённой психопатки»

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David Brusletten

- Hey, I have a question — I wrote to my ex on Facebook in 8 years after he broke up with me.

- Ok. Lia? — He definitely recognized me after all these years — already a good beginning.

- It’s Lia. Why you did that to me?

- Do what?

- Because of you it’s hard for me to rely on somebody else. After everything that I did for you, you just thrown me away like a piece of trash. Why?

- I really didn’t mean to, I just wasn’t ready to settle down.

- But you asked me to do that. Why did you ask me to stay in US and marry you if you were not ready?

- I thought I was ready, Lia, I really did.

- You told me too much bullshit and forced me to feel that something was wrong with me. Do you sleep well?

- Nothing is wrong with you, and no I don’t.

- You never even tried to apologize.

- If you would allow me, I’d like to apologize now. I am sorry, I screwed up.

To make the long story short we end up with the message from his wife:

«This is his wife. Stop. Ok. It was 8 years ago. He wasn’t ready. I’m sorry but it happens in life. Pick yourself up and move on. You cant let the past dictate your future. You both were young and different people back then. Clearly you were not right for each other. You’re both married. Be happy with your husband and allow him to be happy with his family. It’s time to let it go and move on…» and other blah-blah-blah.

But I started to think: why I can’t let it go? I definitely do NOT have any feelings for him. And I definitely do NOT expect him to have feelings for me. Do I need apology? I’m not sure. Do I feel better when I kinda get the apology after I asked about them myself? Not really. So why after 8 years I can’t move on?

I could not find the right answer…

To David Brusletten…

But you know what? Just imagine: you got in car accident and because of somebody’s fault you don’t have a leg anymore. I know it’s a horrible comparison but, please, just imagine. Yes, you are still alive even without one leg. You can get a prosthesis, you can walk, you can read, you can see the sun, you can be loved, you can have kids, you can get rich, you still can dream and be whomever you want. And, hell, YES, you can be happy even without one leg. (For me this is the most important thing in the world — to feel happy at least for a couple of minutes but… EVERY DAY. )  Will you ever forget that you don’t have a leg anymore? I don’t think so. Even when you are super happy! Really? Will you?

So 8 years ago my soul was broken. 8 years ago you were the most important person in my life. I gave up everything I had for you. And you kicked me out of your life… suddenly and without any explanation. The only message that I got from you: «You are too tom worried and bring stress in my life. I want you to leave my parents house as soon as possible». You broke me inside, you killed my confidence, you took everything I had except my life and my family. So thanks to my family I’m very strong today. I got all the things that I lost because of you back: I worked a lot on the way I look so I got my confidence back; I studied well so I finally graduated my university and got the job that I love and that gives me more money even than I need; I got my own apartment so nobody can kick me out anymore.  And the most important thing -  I figured out what kind of man I need to be with me and I have a man that I love and that loves me, he is always with me no matter how much I’m  in trouble; we have a son that looks like me, so probably for you he is too tom worried; and I have the best family in the world that let me do the most stupid thing in my life like put everything I had for you and agree to be your wife. So even they knew I was so wrong when was choosing you over them, my family was there for me all the way down and even after you thrown me away like a trash. I’m here and feel so strong today only thanks to my family.  I will not lie — my life is not perfect, sometimes bad things happen in life. But this is life. Anyway I’m happy now. Sometimes it’s just for a couple minutes of the day but EVERY DAY I’M HAPPY!

So I don’t wish you or your family anything bad. But I can’t say either I wish you the best. I just don’t wish anything to you. I don’t hate you but I don’t love you either. I don’t want to know anything about you. I just want you to know how you made me feel 8 years ago. 8 years ago you broke my soul. And what you did to me, changed my life a lot, made me stronger, helped me to realize what is important to me and find the things and people that makes me happy. Maybe I will never forget why my life was changed, I don’t know. But even with a crack in my soul I’M HAPPY EVERY DAY!

I know that you have another life and you already moved on a long while ago. I just want YOU TO REALIZE how you made me feel 8 years ago and what I went through because of you.  Now you know. Now I CAN MOVE ON

To Everybody else except David Brusletten…

Sometimes you just need to speak out how you feel to the exact person that made you feel like that. The matter is — to say it to the right person. And no matter at all who you are now or how many years ago it happened. If they don’t realize how bad the thing is that they did — that is their problem. They are not very sorry and never tried to apologize? Their problem! Just don’t keep it inside yourself, pass the problem to them, let it go. And after that you will definitely move on.

So I just did and good luck to you

Лия Рыжая ♥

Автор книги «Лечение влюблённой психопатки»

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